traevoli ([info]traevoli) wrote,
@ 2007-08-21 15:21:00
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What the hell am I doing? // Kion diable mi faras?
I know I've wanted to go back to school for a really long time. And I know I've really enjoyed the last two semesters. But here I am on the second day of the semester, and I find that I'm not nearly as enthusiastic about it. I can't help but wonder if there's something better I could be spending my time doing. Part of that is surely a lack of self-confidence. Part of it is impatience. Part of it is financial worry. And part of that is most certainly a result of depression that has been getting steadily worse since spring semester ended. But regardless of the reason, ever since I got back from this year's NASK, nothing has seemed more important than travel. More desperately than ever I want to see the world.

Jes, dum multe da tempo mi volis reveni al lernejo. Kaj veras ke mi tre gxuis la du pasintajn semestrojn. Sed jen la dua tago de la nuna semestro, kaj mi trovas min malpli entuziasma pri tio. Ne eviteblas la sindemando, cxu mi pli bone pasigus mian tempon pri io alia. Certe parte temas pri manko de memfido. Parte rilatas al senpacienco. Parte venas de timo pri financaj aferoj. Kaj sendube parte resultas pro deprimigxo kiu sencxese pli fortigxas ekde la fino de la printempa semestro. Sed malgraux la kialo, depost mi revenis de la cxi-jara NASK, nenio sxajnas tiel grava kiel vojagxado. Mi pli urgxe ol antauxe volas vidi la mondon.

But instead I'm going into debt trying to get an education for some unknown future purpose. Two of my current classes are Drawing and Spanish. Over the last year I've been considering studying linguistics or animation. So why am I not more excited about these two classes? Would I not be better off working full time, saving up money to travel? Would I be happy as a flight attendant, or an employee on a cruise ship?

Tamen mi anstataux akiras sxuldojn pro edukada klopodo kiu gvidos al nebula estonteca celo. Du el miaj kursoj temas pri desegnado kaj la hispana. Dum la pasinta jaro mi konsideras studi lingvistikon kaj animacion. Do kial mi ne pli ekscitigxas pri tiuj du kursoj? Cxu ne pli bone, se mi laborus plentempe por sxpari monon vojagxan? Cxu mi felicxus estis aviadila servisto, aux laboristo en krozosxipo?

I feel like my life is passing me by.

Mi sentas kvazaux mia vivo pasas vane.

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[info]kittygomeowr
2007-08-22 03:16 am UTC (link)
Sometimes you have to muddle through the little things to get to the big things. Think of it this way this semester, if you learn Spanish and get better at drawing, you can travel in Spanish speaking countries and draw all the cool things there, the come back here and sell the prints all your drawings for a boatload so you can pay off your debt and travel some more. :P

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Keep Spanish and Drawing?
[info]traevoli
2007-08-22 05:40 pm UTC (link)
So if I'm to drop a class, it should be Psychology or Algebra? I have doubts that I'm going to have enough time for Drawing homework. But I have even bigger doubts about Algebra. I really do not have the right attitude for that. I mean, sure, the patterns are interesting enough, but when am I going to use it? I might as well be studying runes for all the good it'll do me. I'm sitting in class going "Okay, so *that's* how you factor that kind of problem," but then I think to myself "But why would I ever want to? Why should I give a flying fuck?"

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Re: Keep Spanish and Drawing?
[info]kittygomeowr
2007-08-23 02:14 am UTC (link)
I'd drop whichever one you think will be less engaging at this point 'cause if you're not enjoying it, with your workload, it's just going to drag you down.

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Re: Keep Spanish and Drawing?
[info]traevoli
2007-08-23 03:56 am UTC (link)
I'm feeling a little less depressed, and a little less cynical at this exact moment. I think, for now, I'm going to try and see if keeping all four classes is feasible. The last day to drop classes with a refund is still a couple weeks away.

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Re: Keep Spanish and Drawing?
[info]kittygomeowr
2007-08-23 06:52 am UTC (link)
Yeah that's true. And if nothing else, you can always take that class later.

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Re: Keep Spanish and Drawing?
[info]kittygomeowr
2007-08-23 08:02 pm UTC (link)
That works too. That's why I typically avoid art-style classes... they always have a plethora of supplies and lame.
What do you think you have with the sick?

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sickness
[info]traevoli
2007-08-23 10:59 pm UTC (link)
> What do you think you have with the sick?

Ovarian cancer in the tonsils. Or the West Mississippi Virus. I'm not sure which.

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Re: sickness
[info]kittygomeowr
2007-08-24 12:08 am UTC (link)
That sounds unfortunate. Hopefully you feel better soon ^_^

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Re: Keep Spanish and Drawing?
[info]traevoli
2007-08-23 06:21 pm UTC (link)
Ugh. Change of plans. I think I'm going to drop Spanish and Drawing. They're too bloody expensive (with books and materials), and way too demanding right now. I've been sick for a week, and there's no way I can handle either of them. I wish I could afford a doctor...

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Life Passing By
[info]mollybzz
2007-09-03 05:36 am UTC (link)
This is most frustrating. Time is all we have, really. Money helps, but your time is so much more precious. And you have days and days of it all in a beautiful row. Enjoy every step in your process, even the difficult ones, and if something is burdensome, you have to think about how much it is worth to you. Money is irrelevant now. Learning takes time, though, and that's what you're paying with. Maybe, for me, moving to China and just, fuckitall, taking up something so random is the best adventure I could take. And I have all my time here in a little pile, with money as I earn it teaching. But I wake up each day with my memory-pockets full, and I am happy.

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